The Quality of Our Attention

In memory of Brendan McAllister.

Brendan was a mediator and a peacebuilder. He was my colleague and my friend. I met him in 2012 for the first time. He was sporting a long beard and a Kangol hat; as soon as he saw us waiting for him at the airport, he put it on backwards and started walking silly.

In 2013, I travelled with Brendan for the first time. It was one of his first assignments as an international mediator. It was my first assignment ever. Having spent decades mediating in his home country of Northern Ireland, he candidly told me he was intimidated by this new post. We’d stay up until 1am working on the next day’s meetings.

I remember him singing in the Decani Monastery in Kosovo, with the hegumen looking at him in visible shock, but also delighted. He had a sense of humour that could make the toughest trip or project that much easier. He'd fake-trap himself inside the trunk of an OSCE armoured vehicle; pose for the camera with his hat backwards; sometimes he'd imitate my colleagues asking him for his boarding passes and receipts for the zillionth time.

We shared hours in tiny restaurants in Kosovo, Ukraine, Finland, Estonia, France... One night in Kyiv, our colleagues ordered several rounds of a local liquor—that thing could burn through rubber. Brendan never drank alcohol, but always made sure to be a part of the gang. Being a non-smoker and non-drinker had made his work harder, he said, because drinking and smoking were great ways to get to know a person. Especially in a conflict setting.

Going into a bar, Brendan would always walk to the very last table, preferably close to a window, so that he could watch the door and monitor the space. That was the first time someone showed me what it is like to interiorize conflict. Decades as a mediator in Northern Ireland, his home, did that to him.

He was deeply sensitive and had a way to captivate the audience. He was also intimidating. Brendan was a mentor, a colleague, and a great friend. These pictures are from our first assignment together, in Kosovo, in 2013.